That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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