If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
