You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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