sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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