TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
