Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
