pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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