I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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