i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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