I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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