Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
