Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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