I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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