That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
