Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
