I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
