The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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