There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
