should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
