dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
