you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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