A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
