You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
