I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
