So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
