Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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