I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
