Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The ass gains better be worth it
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