as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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