cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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