Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
