That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
