I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hippo gnu deer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
