i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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