so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.