i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.