I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
