I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!