On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
