I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
