How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
