I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
