Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
