So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
