Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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