How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
