I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
