i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
