Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
