what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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