I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
