I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
