Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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