He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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