Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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