yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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