wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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