The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
