No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
