i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
