i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
