How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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