oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
