just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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