you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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